They may have been more personal, but they were no kinder. Eva was torn between amusement and a growing dread. Her various cousins and second cousins each received gifts that were useful, but also pointed out a key character flaw or failure. Humphrey, for example, had been boasting to Eva over dinner about his plan to ditch university and become a professional online gamer and influencer. Great Aunt Muriel gave him vouchers for a community college with the comment, ‘when your great aunt can beat you in Fortnite, eSports is not a viable career option’.

Mr Harrison paused and turned to the next sheet of paper. “And now we reach Portia Smyth-Saunders…”

Aunt Sarah perked up and Uncle Dominic reached for his phone.

“Lady Muriel hoped, rather than expected, the young lady to be present, and so made allowance for either contingency. If Portia had bothered to make the trip, she would have inherited this vintage bag.”

Mr Rawlins held up a classic quilted Chanel flap bag, Uncle Dominic’s phone camera clicked, and he began typing. Aunt Sarah hissed to her neighbour. “That’s a pre-eighties 2.55, it’s got the unbranded clasp. It must be worth thousands.”

Mr Harrison raised his voice over the murmurs. “Unfortunately, since Portia is not with us today, she will instead receive one of the totes. Mr Rawlins, would you be so kind as to add the word ‘great’ before ‘aunt’ on one of the bags?”

Uncle Dominic and Aunt Sarah protested. United for the first time in probably decades.

Aunt Sarah pulled out her phone and made a call. “Portia? I’m putting you on speaker, hold on…” she spoke to Mr Harrison. “She’s here now.”

The lawyer replied. “Unfortunately, a phone call is not sufficient. Ms Smyth-Saunders will have to influence her world with an organic canvas bag, rather than a leather one.”

People began to stand, grumbling, until Mr Harrison said loudly. “And, to the last of my great-nieces, Evangelina Stone…”

Silence dropped and everyone sat.

“Eva, you appear to be one of the few sensible people this family has produced, although I have concerns about that fiancé of yours. As such, I am bequeathing you the remainder of my handbag collection, my jewellery, and my step-grandson, Christopher, to make sure you both marry someone suitable.”

Everyone turned to stare at Eva. Why couldn’t you rewind real life as you could a video? Mr Harrison couldn’t possibly have said what she thought she heard.

One of the older relatives called out. “But what about the real estate and shares?”

“They went to Lord Christopher.” Mr Harrison stood. “The reading is now complete. Lunch is awaiting you in the dining room. Ms Stone, if you could come this way.”

A chorus of voices rose in complaint, one shrill enough to cut through the rest. “How can she inherit a grown man?”

Another shouted in agreement. “Is this some arranged marriage? Why wasn’t my daughter considered?”

Another voice, presumably the daughter scoffed. “If he’s agreed to marry her, I doubt he’s any sort of prize.”

A deep voice, with the clear vowel and cut-glass consonants of an RP English accent, said. “We’re not getting married, merely assisting one another in finding someone suitable to marry.”

It was the man from the window. He was a good half a head taller than Eva, with hair the colour of eighteen-carat gold and eyes the same green as Becky’s feral diva of a rescue cat.

Lord Christopher, it had to be him, raised a brow at Mr Harrison who, in turn, addressed Eva. “Ms Stone, may I present Lord Christopher Aberswyth.”

She’d hit her head and fallen into some British family drama. She squashed the urge to curtsey like a Regency heroine and held out her hand. “It’s lovely to meet you, Lord Christopher.”

He shook it, firm, and business-like. No attempts at sleazy hand-kissing or bone-crushing dominance. Stephen had always turned a greeting into some sort of battle of the strongest. Said it was how you had to do business in his world.

Mr Harrison said. “I think you’ll find the two of you have a bit to discuss. Perhaps you should adjourn to the office? I’ll have Rose bring in some lunch.”

Their agreement was interrupted by Eva’s mother. “Eva, darling, come along. We need to discuss what you’re going to be doing with this strange situation.”

Eva stepped back. “I um…”

Aunt Sarah bustled up, brandishing her phone. “My dear, your cousin wants a quick word, do you mind?”

The phone was thrust into Eva’s hand before she could react.

A voice on the other end squealed. “Evie, daaahling, how are you? It’s been ages!”

Eva replied. “Yes, the best part of twenty years, and my name is Eva.”

Lord Christopher choked; it might have been on a laugh. When she looked, he was completely straight-faced.

Portia didn’t pause. “It’s my nickname for you, Sweetie, you know, like cousins do.”

“That’s very nice but we’ll have to catch up another time. I’m afraid I’m a little busy right now.”

Eva handed the phone back to Aunt Sarah, who took it with an offended huff.

Lord Christopher cut off further conversation by addressing Eva’s mother. “Your daughter will be far better placed for the discussion you want after a conversation with me. Perhaps Mr Harrison could share a little more information with you and your husband over lunch.”

He glanced at Eva. “With your permission.”

Now was definitely a time to go with the flow. “That sounds like an excellent idea. We can talk later, Mum.”

Mr Harrison gave her what she hoped was an approving nod and herded Eva’s mother, Aunt Sarah, and assorted other relatives out of the library.

Lord Christopher herded Eva towards a different door, almost hidden by the dark wooden shelves lining the room.

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And a random link for Matt Mullenweg’s birthday coz why not. 😉