Yeah so me and Daniel were grabbing lunch at Mrs Gregson’s café and there was this really pretty girl at one of the tables. Super glamorous too, you know? Saw her eyeing me up when she walked in, then she sat just one table over, so I gave her a bit of a smile and a wink, y’know?

She got all pink and flustered and pretended to be looking out the window. I was about to go over, do the ‘welcome to our town’ spiel, when Mum walks in. Yeah look, she might be my stepmum but she’s Mum okay? Back off.

So this girl spots Mum and waves and the next thing Mum’s across the café and they’re hugging like it’s the arrivals hall at the airport.

Well that’s when it struck me, yeah? This girl? She knows Mum, she’s way glamorous, and we’ve never seen her before. She totally had to be the princess Mum used to be nanny for.

They stop hugging and Mum goes to get coffee and sees me and Dan. Man did we get the stink-eye. But, hey, it’s not like we didn’t know she was meeting someone connected with her old job. She’d told us that, that’s why we were there. Mum was pretty damn important you know, we had to keep an eye out, make sure she was safe.

So Mum grabbed coffee, and cake, so it was definitely a special occasion and then they just sat there and talked for ever. Dan and I reckon the princess came to find mum because she’s getting married. Dan reckons she wants Mum to come and look after any kids she has; I reckon she was running away. I mean, why else would she come all this way? It would be so easy to get Mum on a plane. And she could have taken us too. It would have been way cool to see the Bulgavian royal palace.

Anyway, they’re talking and talking and then the door goes again and this bloke walks in. And he’s just trouble all over, you know? Tall and built, Dan reckons he walked like a solider. Don’t know how he worked that one out.