1/5 Stars

Call that a cave? I’ve seen larger rabbit holes

I have to admit, I visited this cave with very low expectations, and yet it managed to underwhelm in every regard.

First, a cave should be large enough to fit into, and by ‘fit’ I mean be capable of accommodating a decent-sized dragon, with their travel horde. It doesn’t have to be enormous, but you need to be able to actually get into it once the horde has been deposited. This ‘cave’ not only failed that test, it failed to even fit half my horde, and I travel light.

Second, if something is advertised as ‘out of the way’ and ‘a quiet retreat’, I should not be dealing with princesses and knights multiple times a day. The princesses were polite enough, and a couple of them even added some rather charming jewellery to my horde after I saw off a few of the uncouth, overbearing, tin cans on legs that insisted on following them around. Said tin cans though? Loud, rude, and didn’t even have the basic sense to leave their horses back in the forest. I presume that’s what the flyer was referring to when it mentioned free meal delivery. That’s not what I would call it.

I will not be returning. There are far better caves on the next mountain and I’d rather put up with the gryphons there than blunt my claws on yet another clanging pile of ambulatory saucepans.